Monday, Aug. 11, 2003 - 1:40 pm
Um... I'm sorry.
This relationship just isn't working for me.
I'm at www.dailypreciousness.org now. So change that bookmark.
It played out like a half-baked movie script. Or like a bad reality TV show on basic cable. But this was ruthlessly unscripted moment. I was at brunch in the Old Town Holiday Inn Select.
I was reading an article about identity theft while I sipped champagne and orange juice. The waitress, Helga, a slender German woman, slided the faux-leather bound bill folder towards me on the pink tablecloth. "Whenevah you ah ready," she whispered.
I was ready. I reached back for my wallet, grabbed it and reached for the VISA card ... which wasn't there. It just wasn't there. It's familiar little pocket was empty. Only a little pocket lint peeked out from within the black leather fold.
A sinkhole opened in my stomach. Depths upon depths appeared to hollow out my insides as I realized that I could not locate my credit card. I pictured a guy vacationing in Bahama at my expense. Waves lapped the shore and steel drums whispered in the background. I envisioned the thief sending $100 bouquets of flowers to his girlfriend, just like the identity thief in the newspaper article.
And I had only spare change in cash. It would be a dine-and-dash for me this morning.
When Helga came by again, I asked her if I could pay the bill later, when I got some cash. (I had visions of myself rushing over to a money machine. Standing there, desperate as a junkie needing his hit of crack, in front of the ATM, pleading with it -- reasoning with it -- that I could be trusted with just a small advance. Here, I'll scan in my driver's license. So you know it's really me, right? Okay.)
She said it would be fine. I could pay the bill today or tomorrow. I exhale, relieved that Helga won't have harsh words for me. (Harsh words always seem harsher with a German accent!)
I rush home to Henry's to call the bank. "What was the last withdrawal and deposit?" the phone teller asked. "Well, I hope that it was at the Capitol City Brewing Company on Friday for $35!" She confirmed it. Thank God that it was! No expensive trips or gifts had been charged to it. (:
Right after that, she cancelled the old card, issued a new one and told me to expect it Friday.
Whew! The nightmare had ended. Except for the small problem that I had no access to cash until Monday morning. Fortunately, Henry forwarded me a little.
